Wed, May 4, 2022 at 1:40 PM

Human Brain is a wonderful beast.

It works non stop 24/7, 365 days a year everyday, tirelessly.

It also, more often than not, takes us on a roller-coaster ride.

Having a break-down, getting up, and then having a break down again.

Let's talk about why our brain does that.

Scrolling through the comments under a sad music playlist on YouTube, containing countless messages and stories of people battling mental health problems and still supporting each other with words of comfort, I'm overwhelmed with emotion. What a world we live in, where kids aged as young as 12 are struggling with anxiety and stress. And it's not just one or two, but millions all around the globe, feeling lonely, numb and soulless. But why is this happening? What exactly is the reason for our mind working the way it works when we have a mental breakdown? Before exploring that, let's back up and let me tell you my story.

I'm the type of person who always wants to be productive.

As someone who has adopted the unlimited productivity mentality in the past, I can say that this mindset will definitely allow you to do more. I wrote 80,000 words in the journal in a month, got straight A's in my classes and read dozens of books each year. I expected myself to do more and gave myself no excuse to slack off.

But this came at a cost.

I found myself associating productivity with happiness. I associated my self worth with external achievements. I would feel guilty for doing anything "unproductive" like spending time with family, making art, hobbies and even eating food. I would be in a rush all the time, not enjoying what I was doing, never in the present but always thinking of the future and what I should be doing instead. I used to berate myself on not doing enough, and used to hate it when I didn't live up to my expectations. And pretty soon, I became toxic to myself.

This happened because of certain reasons:

• I took on a lot of responsibilities at the same time.
• Tried being a perfectionist and it was never enough.
• I felt a need to be in control all the time and struggled to give responsibilities to others.
• Had a pessimistic outlook on life in general.
• Bad Sleeping routine. (I slept from 4 AM to 9AM, practically a vampire)
• Lacking healthy coping mechanisms. (Whenever I felt overwhelmed even a little bit, I went back and used reading fantasy fiction novels as an escape. I think I may have read over 100 novels in the last year)

What I learnt from all of that was, you need to be in the present.